I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
