part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
