Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
