and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
