So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
