..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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