What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
