You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
