you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
