I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
