you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
