He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
