How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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