I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
