I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
