woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
