I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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