chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
