Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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