"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How's work?
Spinning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
