I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he was CRYING into my vagina
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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