Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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