420 ftw
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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