I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
