We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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