Fuck appropriateness.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
