i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
