I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
