She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
