yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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