Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
