well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
