i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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