I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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