I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
