There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
