and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
