Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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