He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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