He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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