One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
false alarm, still single
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
