I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
