I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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