ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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