hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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