I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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