I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
