fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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