Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
