those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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