Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
