i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
