Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
